Today has been hard. 

As I write this, a loved one has been wheeled into surgery, the need for which we discovered just days ago. It’s serious. 

And we wait.

As I’ve begun the unsettling wait, I’ve wrestled with fear.  My mind like a pendulum swinging between my flesh and my faith; my flesh seemingly winning out.

So I’ve searched scriptures on fear today in an effort to find my peace.

And I’ve reminded myself that to court fear is to minimize my faith in what God can do.  After all, he has known from the very beginning that we would face this day.  Surely he has plans for it. 

I had struggled when I first heard the news.  

Usually strong in my faith, I let fear grip my soul. 

But I’ve been watching that girl, this sweet loved one of mine.  Watching her cling to the Word of God, telling the doctor that his hands are being prayed for.  Showing the nurses and the radiology techs what real faith looks like. 

Peace in the midst of the storm.  And she has calmed me.   

I had found my faith again and abandoned my fear.

Until today. 

Until they took her back, and the worries clouded my head.

And here we go again.

Sometimes our flesh gets the better of us. And that’s OK.  We just need to remind ourselves not to stay there.

And so, today, I WON’T.

Instead, I will proclaim the truths I know.

Truths I read again this morning, reminding me that I have not been given a spirit of fear (2 Tim. 1:7), that God is with me and he will strengthen me (Isaiah 41:10), and that I am to be strong and courageous as I wait (Deut. 31:6).

In fact, as Deuteronomy 31:6 reminds me, God will personally go ahead of me and will not fail me nor abandon me.  

This means that he is already in that operating room, and he is personally attending to every soul within it on behalf of this one who is so dear to me.

And I pause for a little Hallelujah, because even though I know all this, I needed to hear it again today.

Friend, there will come situations in our lives when we feel anxious or afraid. 

We can know-that-we-know that God is in control, and still wrestle with fear. This doesn’t make us weak warriors in our faith; it makes us human.

But true warriors won’t allow fear to take up permanent residence in their hearts and minds.

They will get up, arm themselves with the Word of God, and proclaim it until their fear runs the other way. 

And that’s what I’ve had to do today.

As I’m writing this, God is reminding me of a scripture he gave me just this morning.  A gift given to start my day. 

The scripture I was supposed to rest in today instead of grappling with that fear the enemy is dangling in front of me; fear he is using as a weapon to weaken my faith.

And I’m saddened that I’ve been buying into it.

So I’m changing my mental strategy.  As I wait for her to roll out of that room, I will be pondering this morning’s truth:

Isaiah 33:2-3a (NLT) –

But LORD, be merciful to us, for we have waited for you. Be our strong arm each day and our salvation in times of trouble.  The enemy runs at the sound of your voice.

God knew that the enemy would taunt me with fear today.  And he knew I would struggle with it.

And so he has been merciful.  He’s calming my heart and reminding me that as I wait, he is in control.  He is my strong arm, and the enemy cannot stand in his presence.  

And neither can fear. Because fear is not from God.  It is an attack from the enemy of my faith. The same one who runs at the very sound of my Savior’s voice.  

So I will cling to Him for peace. And I will choose to lay down my fear in order to take up my faith.  And I will proclaim His words until I struggle no more.

Let me leave you with two scriptures.

First, one that God gave me earlier this week.  And just to be sure I was paying attention, it was sent by a dear one again this morning.

Joshua 1:9 (NIV) –

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

THIS is where we are to set our hearts and minds when faced with these fearful situations.

And Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT) –

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

THIS is the action that we are then to take.

My friend, if you have wrestled with fear, then you are among the rest of us.  I pray that you will read the scriptures within this post over and over again, declaring them out loud until your fear gives way to your faith.

As God has my situation, so he also has yours. 

And so I leave you with some words God spoke to me today.  They brought me peace, and I pray that they will do the same for you.